The Psychology of Starting: Breaking Down Barriers of Apprehension in Decision-Making
I’m sure you've heard the old adage, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” This mentality can help destigmatize starting, but as most of us know, making a meaningful change can encompass more challenges than just getting started. There is a period between realizing you want to take action and starting a process that can be downright difficult to navigate. You can feel immense pressure to work on an aspect of your life and feel paralyzed by the process and the options before you, which can prevent you from starting at all. One such instance of this is when deciding to start therapy.
Starting therapy is a huge commitment. Even though it can be an exceptionally transformative experience that is statistically shown to improve your life, it can also be daunting. Some people have an easier time getting started in therapy, while others don’t. Whatever your journey is, you're valid, but for those of you caught in the “will I/ won’t I” phase of making a move, this edition of the blog is for you. We’re going to tackle the psychology of starting and offer some actionable tips on how to break through the apprehension barrier and begin your therapy journey.
Understanding The Barriers to Entry
Believe it or not, there are a lot of extra steps between you and that chaise lounge in your future therapist's office. A lot of people can get caught up in the minutia and stress of keeping track of all the moving pieces. You have to do research, call the office, schedule a consultation, think about what you want to talk about, and then make time in your schedule to actually show up every week, just to realize the therapist isn’t for you and start the cycle again. There’s no shame in getting overwhelmed; thinking about all of it is enough to make some people want to abandon their mission.
Another common barrier is a lack of support. Some people are lucky enough to have a family member in therapy or parents willing to set up appointments. These people can demystify and simplify the process of getting into therapy and offer a smooth transition. The unfortunate reality is not everyone has this support. Similar to the phenomenon wherein a child is more likely to go to college if another family member has gone to college, having a family who is not aware or involved in mental health care can significantly reduce their likelihood of accessing it in their lifetime.
There are also economic and societal barriers that prevent people from getting into therapy. With the rates of mental health struggles at an all-time high post-pandemic, more people should be getting into therapy, right? Again, not really. There is a critical shortage of mental health care professionals and facilities in the US. Many of these practices are privatized or don’t accept all insurance types. Moreover, many insurance policies don’t cover mental health services as they don’t deem them ‘medically necessary’. This leaves the most marginalized members of the community, those without healthcare or less comprehensive healthcare, in rural areas to pay out of pocket, which is not always possible. This leaves these people vulnerable to a myriad of mental health complications, never able to access the things that could help them.
Another Perspective: Attachment Styles and Emotional Blocks
If you don’t identify with any of the above reasons, there might be a more specific nuanced reason you can’t get started rooted in your attachment style. From a psychological perspective, starting something is a commitment or an engagement. This concept can be scary for you if you are a more avoidant person. Avoidant people often don’t have support for their emotional needs during childhood and in response, decide to distance themselves from the feeling of rejection to maintain the status quo. This can manifest into adulthood as denying your needs, refusing to show emotion, and being overly independent. They are often not fond of commitment as it presents a chance that they might have to reveal vulnerability.
When starting therapy, these individuals may minimize their problems, deny strong feelings, refuse to open up about their struggles, or flat-out refuse to get involved. Just because these avoidant folks are uncomfortable sharing their feelings doesn’t mean they won’t ultimately benefit from it, as all of us would. This doesn’t mean anxious attachment style folks don’t also experience issues with getting into therapy; however, the mindset is different. Anxious attachment occurs when children feel abandoned or unloved by their caregivers. This leads to them constantly desiring closeness but ultimately afraid to have the rug ripped out from under them.
In adulthood, these individuals can be very untrusting and needy but also feel the need to overperform and earn their place in people's lives. They struggle to see their worth and often neglect therapy because they might believe that they don’t deserve it or feel uncomfortable talking to a therapist for fear they will leave them also. Understanding your attachment style can help you avoid pitfalls and coping mechanisms that prevent you from living a healthy lifestyle. Shame and guilt can also contribute to reluctance to get into therapy. Guilt is the knowledge that you’ve done something wrong, but shame internalizes this concept. If you feel shame for having mental health struggles or guilt over putting off making a call to your local therapist, you might unknowingly start a cycle that will set you back.
When we let shame transpose our wrongdoings onto ourselves, we become wrong as a result. This can be deeply damaging to our self-esteem and lead to paramount feelings of hopelessness. We might see ourselves as beyond help or incapable of figuring things out. When these feelings build up, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy, which, in turn, contributes to the narrative we’re building for ourselves. The cycle can be debilitating, but it’s important to understand that no one is hopeless, and you can gain so much from having a therapist help to untangle the complicated knots that we weave for ourselves.
How to Overcome Apprehension
Like many other things in our lives, waiting for the ‘perfect situation’ often results in procrastination and a feeling that you’ve wasted time. Holding yourself back serves to maintain the status quo; that which is familiar is comfortable. Nothing is wrong with craving comfort, but life begins right outside your comfort zone. If you never extend yourself beyond what is comfortable for yourself, you never give yourself the chance to thrive. This attraction to comfortable situations is understandable, but it’s important to understand why they exist. Most of the time, these emotions begin in childhood as a way to keep ourselves safe in our home environment. With avoidants, remaining calm and placid was the best way to avoid conflict. Meanwhile, with more anxious attachments, fawning or taking on a role as a fixer might have been the way to be safe. These methods don’t always transfer well into our adult lives. Understanding and addressing unhealthy coping mechanisms can mean the difference between spending our lives running from undesirable truths about our childhood and healing from them. Additionally, acknowledging feelings of guilt or shame that make you feel unworthy of getting help when you need it can play a huge role in moving you forward on your journey. These feelings are a form of self-sabotage that prevents you from growing. By allowing yourself to identify cues, disengage with shame, and regulate yourself, you can find more long-term solutions to the things you feel ashamed of. You must disrupt the spiral of believing and affirming that you are not good enough. The only way to do this is by counteracting with compassion and loving yourself.
Another tip is segmentalization. If you feel overwhelmed when taking on multifaceted tasks, breaking these tasks down into more manageable bite-size pieces can help you take the necessary steps. If you want to schedule an appointment, call and double back. Take your time filling out paperwork, getting your healthcare information, calling for a follow-up, and making your first appointment. Work on this process over a few days, or ask a friend for help. This can make the huge task in front of you seem much more manageable. Speaking of friends, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Whether this be a trusted adult, your family, a friend, or even the therapist's office you’re trying to attend. When you reach out to a therapist’s office, they have FAQ booklets and websites detailing the process. For example, our process at Barewell starts with offering a short onboarding assessment over the phone to help us better understand your therapy needs. This assessment can also help us determine if there's any way to make getting care more financially feasible through payment plans. This assessment can help connect you to the right therapist, even if they’re not in our network. We work to refer you to another provider in the California area we trust because our main goal as therapists is to ensure you get the care you need. There is no reason to go it alone if you need support. Having someone who can encourage you, keep you on track, and offer valuable information can be the difference between making the transition and putting it off.
Getting a Jumpstart on Your Therapy Goals
It’s not easy to start. At times, it can feel like our minds are working against us, responding to changes in our lives. It's hard to deal with hostility and apprehension inside of us. Though it can be frustrating, you must continue your journey to wellness. If you feel you need therapy, you owe it to yourself to find out what your options are. Doing so honors your needs, reaffirms that you are worthy, and can help you improve your mind and life. We all deserve that sort of freedom. So, as the summer continues and you feel hesitant to make the call, don’t hesitate! Your mental health is a priority, and there is support for you. You just have to be brave enough to take the first step.
How bareWell Can Help
We offer all clients a free 15-minute consultation to best understand what you are looking for in a provider and in therapy. We do our best to match you with a provider who can meet your specific needs and if we can’t match you with any of our providers, we offer referrals to other providers in the community whom we trust. We also walk you through any questions/concerns you may have, including financial/insurance questions, and we have simplified our intake process which is done electronically to allow for the easiest completion of paperwork. Click the link below to schedule your free consultation. We look forward to hearing from you soon!