7 Things Your Therapist Wants You To Know
One of the goals of our practice is to humanize psych professionals and peel back the curtain on our thoughts and feelings about providing care for our clients. We think there’s no better way than to speak about what we, as therapists, want our clients to know. We’ve created this article to give you a resource to ground and focus your efforts on self-improvement, feel more comfortable in sessions, and demystify how your practitioner feels. We asked our team and those in our network to provide some concepts that we want to share with our current and future patients. Though everyone we asked had their unique perspective, we want to highlight seven of the most crucial themes that we think you need to hear.
1. We Want to Connect with You.
Though we always strive to maintain a professional dynamic with those we work with it’s still important that we find points of connection with our clients. We may not be friends, but we still care about you and want to interact with you in a way that fosters trust and honesty. Therapy is a give and take and, in some ways, working with our clients allows us to learn about and heal ourselves. “(We) -strive to make therapy so much more than pathologizing and solutionizing - allowing for relating, connecting, contextualizing, and attaching back to the parts of us that feel lost, broken, or misunderstood.” -Laura Todd, LPCC. Though we may never go out for drinks, or even share precious memories, we still seek to nurture a bond that will allow you to feel empowered and safe to step into your own, and we will cheer for you every step of the way.
2. Therapists Can Make Mistakes Too.
Allie Gaona, an LMFT from our team at bareWell said it perfectly: “It can be helpful when you tell (your therapist) that something they said hurt and that it is an opportunity for honesty, repair in the therapeutic relationship, and actual growth.” We think it’s important that you speak up if your therapist hurts you, just as a therapist should feel safe to tell you when you’ve overstepped one of their boundaries. Any good therapist will be able to hear you out and will work to improve the way that they interact with you until it is tuned to perfection. Developing a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect can lead to better conversations, and a smoother process and will make both you and your therapist feel closer. Moreover, your therapist wants you to know that you can always take the lead with more sensitive subjects. We are always learning and trying to find ways to improve your experience, which is why your therapist wants you to know it’s okay to set a boundary, and we appreciate it when you let us know what works best for you!
3. We Want to Balance Improvement with Authenticity.
In our article about dialectic therapy, we spoke a bit about the balance between honoring your emotions and building something better. This is something that therapists want you to know is possible, and that we strive for. Many people believe that to heal is to master your emotions, but our emotions are what make us human. You can be in a heightened state and still be valid and healthy, but what is not healthy is allowing these states to define and control us. We want to give you the tools to honor those emotions and move through them in a way that does not feed into a culture of emotional suppression. Who you are is good enough. In fact, Lo Miller, LCSW believes “-You have all the answers and healing within yourself already, therapy is just the tool to bring them into focus. “ You don’t need to come into therapy wanting to change who you are, you just need to come with the attitude of wanting to improve and we can work on the rest together.
4. Therapy is a Safe Space.
Some of us are carrying a heavy burden that might leave us feeling less than. Whether you struggle with social ostracisation, cultural prejudice, or marginalization you don’t need to fear it once you pass through the doors of your therapy office. Therapy is a place to “acknowledge, deconstruct and dismantle the deeper impacts” of these burdens, and learn to love yourself from a place that can’t be taken away from you. We want you to know that no matter what you have been through you are always accepted by us and we want to help you no matter your background. Marginalized communities especially might struggle with shame and prejudice in ways that can deeply affect them, which is why our therapy team is dedicated to a judgment-free attitude that prioritizes inclusivity and sensitivity.
5. We Want You to Get the Care You Need, For as Long as You Need It.
Working with a good therapist can be a life-changing experience. This is why your therapist wants you to know that it’s important to pick the right person for your healing journey. We talked about therapist licensing in the past, but if you’re not up to date, it’s important to make sure you find someone who is licensed. This means staying away from life coaches, or unlicensed therapists. “-we worry when you see a life coach because they are unregulated and often (not always) unqualified, and we take these things seriously.” says Kristin Brown, LMFT. The other part of this concept is that your therapist wants you to know you can stay as long as you want to, but there’s never any pressure to stay longer than you feel is necessary. When you’re ready to leave therapy, your therapist wants you to know: that it’s okay! We appreciate our time with you, but “there may come a time when you feel that you have all the tools and support you need to do life without therapy and that we will support you in that. It's okay to bring up that you want to end treatment.”
6. Healing Takes Time, We’re Not Judging.
“We cannot suddenly undo years of relational trauma in a few sessions. It takes time to build trust and to learn or relearn relational safety. Give yourself permission to not rush it.” All good things take time, and your development from working with a therapist is no exception. Your therapist wants you to know that you will not wake up a new person after one session, nor will you always be getting better. There are bound to be stumbles, mistakes, hard days, and times when you get in a rut, but all of that is part of the adventure. It’s important to know that it might be an uphill battle, it will likely take longer than you think, but when you get there it will all be worth it. We will stand by you to help you make hard decisions, but never tell you what to do. We will patiently work with you in untangling the complex knots of your psyche until you feel strong enough to stand on your own. We won’t rush you, and we are not annoyed when you don’t get it right every time. We are not disappointed in you for failing, but we will always be there to help you stand up and try again. Healing isn’t linear, and we want you to know it’s essential that you are patient with yourself, and that there is nothing wrong with trying hard or taking things at your own pace.
7. We Bleed Too.
Therapists are human. Yes, this may surprise some of you. For someone who spends all of their professional time advising others on their emotions, and how to make the most of their lives we still have troubles just like anyone else. We go through grief, sadness, anger, mental health issues, and have trauma and unresolved feelings. However, we want you to know these feelings are not the enemy and they do not define us. We come to each session as our imperfect selves, and just because we have the skills to help, does not mean that we are magically healed as a result. We are vulnerable, in hopes of showing you that it’s okay to be weak sometimes. We chose to pursue this line of work because we know the pain that exists, and we want to help as many people as we can break out of negative cycles, and work to make the world a better place for us all. Your therapist will always put your mental health needs at the forefront, even on our hard days, but this is a humble request that you remember that we too are human. We bleed like you do, and we always appreciate the empathy and patience that you show us while we fight through our own battles.
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So, to conclude, despite potential feelings of doubt, or challenges you may face opening up and learning hard lessons your therapist is there every step of the way. This post is a love letter from the team of therapists at bareWell, offering encouragement and helpful advice that we want to give you during the good and the bad of your healing journey. We want to let you know you’ve got this, and we are here for you- there is nothing you cannot achieve.