Fatherhood

Being a parent is one of the most extraordinary and life-changing events a person can undergo. Suddenly, you are responsible for a tiny life made up of parts of you, and you’re responsible for guiding them to a healthy adulthood. It is both a huge responsibility and an unmitigated blessing. Parenthood changes everyone it touches, and though there’s a lot of talk about how it affects mothers in particular, there is plenty to say about fatherhood as well. Though women carry their children inside of them, which allows them to bond in a special way, fathers also play an imperative role in the development of their children that cannot be replaced. In celebration of Father's Day and all the dads who chose to ride the crazy train that is parenthood, we want to dedicate this article to exploring the intricacies of fatherhood and its effect on us and the minds of our children.

In another article on our blog, we discussed the changes of new motherhood. Still, you may be surprised to hear that new fathers also undergo mental and emotional changes after their child arrives. Most dads rank the delivery of their child as the most emotionally impactful moment of their life. Alongside this data, there is also information that states roughly 10% of men are likely to experience postpartum depression alongside their partners. New dads are not immune to hormonal changes either. Fathers experience a drop in testosterone, which can make them better suited to care for their newborns. This drop in testosterone also allows them to more actively feel the effects of oxytocin and dopamine, the feel-good bonding hormones.

A study of new dads also revealed that fathers have higher stimulation rates in areas of the brain responsible for empathy and nurturing after becoming parents. It makes sense that many fathers experience an emotional awakening and become more sensitive to their partner and infant's needs. However, this alone isn’t enough to bond a father and child. Instead, a mindset change and a reorientation of priorities are required to allow dads to step into their roles fully. Many fathers experience high rates of anxiety, depression, and grief following the birth of their child. They may be concerned with their parenting ability or simply miss their previous lifestyle. For a man to truly take advantage of this biological change, they must play an active role in their child's development.

The good news is that the more hands-on dads are, the better the outcomes for the child will be. There’s been a lot of research about the benefits a child receives from an active father figure. Infants with an involved father are more likely to be healthy, have more reliable weight gain, and have higher breastfeeding rates. Children with a hands-on father are better socialized, emotionally intelligent, confident, and perform better academically. In addition to this, children who have a close relationship with their father figure are twice as likely to go to college and far less likely to have a teen pregnancy or end up in jail. Children with active fathers also have fewer behavioral issues and are less prone to anxiety and depression than those without.

Gender roles have historically dictated that women alone are responsible for domestic duties. Thankfully, that has changed in recent years. Dads are more likely to play a role in rearing their children, with some even opting to become stay-at-home parents. This reorientation of societal expectations has allowed more children to reap the benefit of having a father in the household, however, the statistics show it’s still not enough. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, roughly 1 in 4 children do not have a father figure in their home. There is still an epidemic of fathers who have decided to walk away from their children to detrimental effect. Children without father figures are not only at risk for economic hardship but also emotional and mental hardship as a result of their secondary parent's absence. This is why it’s all the more important to choose fatherhood. Those with children must step up and help their children lead the best possible lives. Fathers must play an active role in caring for and raising their children and model good behavior and healthy relationships for their children to follow. It may seem like a lot, but it’s worth the effort.

If what we have discussed so far has made you curious about ways you can become a better father, we’ve got you covered! As we mentioned before, having the right mindset about fatherhood is important to be the best dad you can be. We want to focus on the mentality of fatherhood and what you can do to promote integrating healthy habits into this transitional period. Parenthood is a challenge; anyone will tell you this. So, one of the first steps to having a healthy transition into fatherhood is to have a candid conversation or brainstorming session about expectations. This practice can ground you and help eliminate some of the mystery or romanticism about childcare. If you have a partner discussing what share of labor you both would take on, discussing your fears and aspirations, and planning can mean less chaos when the baby arrives.

Another thing to consider is that the media often portrays marriage, having a child, or basically any foray into domestic life as being weak or the end of your life as a man. There should be no shame in wanting to have a family, pursue love, or be an active member of your household. It’s important to destigmatize fatherhood, leave shame behind, and learn to disarm those negative perceptions of what fatherhood will be. This will allow new dads to be present and enjoy the experience for what it is. Not what movies or your friends say it should be. Don’t allow cynicism or toxic masculinity to rob you of this special and sentimental moment. We also mentioned that men can experience newfound depths of emotion and a number of mental health challenges with the birth of their child. If you find yourself struggling, it’s important to seek professional counsel or support. There are plenty of resources available for new parents. 

Whether it be a parenthood course, support group, or meetings with a therapist, it's essential to care for yourself. When you feel good, you’re more able to show up for them, making the situation a win-win. Being a father is an important, albeit challenging, job. Though many men choose not to be a part of their child's life, it makes those who do it even more spectacular. If you are a new dad, a dad-to-be, or a seasoned professional, we salute you and your role in raising the next generation. As men, you may have concerns about your ability or complex emotions, but what you feel is normal. What’s most important is your mindset, caring for yourself, and being the best father you can be.