6 Qualities of A Healthy Relationship
Valentine's Day is right around the corner and most people have relationships on their minds. Love is at the forefront this February and, whether you have a long-term partner, are in a new relationship, or have decided to forgo romantic love in favor of self-love or a deep platonic bond, it's important to take stock of the love in your life.
Quality relationships can produce a feeling of love, appreciation, and closeness that’s linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, even lower blood pressure and better immune systems. Older people who form long-lasting relationships claim a higher quality of life; they need less domestic support and have a lower chance of dementia and Alzheimer's. Whichever way you spin it, human beings are social creatures — but our social nature doesn't always land us in good relationships.
Most of us know a couple who are constantly arguing, or have friends who have experienced infidelity or abuse. These are more extreme examples, but most adults can say they have had a relationship where things just didn't seem "right,” for one reason or another. Most of the time, little things build up and cause relationships to end. In fact, some of you may be looking at your partner now and wondering… could they really be the one for you? Can you stay together for the long haul? Are you and your partner good for each other? These are natural questions.
Ultimately, there is no cut-and-dried way to tell whether you and your partner will have a lasting relationship. However, there are some ways to tell if you and your partner are in a healthy relationship right now. The health of a relationship is important beyond just whether it will last; it also shapes your general mental state, it affects your daily dealings, and could change your life path. Bad relationships can leave you feeling drained, stressed, triggered, or even acting vengefully. Good relationships, on the other hand, enrich your life and constructively shape your goals, allowing you to be a better version of yourself.
That leads us back to the question: how do you know whether your relationship is “good” or “bad”? Easy. We can dissect some of the top six qualities of a healthy relationship, as decided by mental health professionals.
The first and most essential tenet of a healthy relationship is trust. Trusting your partner is the basis for emotional intimacy; it's more than just assuming they will be faithful, it's knowing you can trust your partner to support you and meet your needs. Trust is comfort in vulnerability. Fissures in trust can build up over time and cause pain and fear that your partner isn't going to show up for you. This can sometimes trigger abandonment wounds from childhood, causing even more struggles. In a relationship without trust, jealousy runs amok and we may start to see our partners in a negative light. Studies show that it is easier to lose trust than gain it, but building trust is an essential mission if you want your relationship to be strong. Vulnerability, honesty, and accountability play a large role in rebuilding trust, and it is an active, ongoing process with a partner.
Respect and communication are also important qualities in a healthy relationship. Do you respect who your partner is beyond what they do for you? Do you express that respect, even when voicing concerns? Do you receive a similar level of admiration and courtesy? This is an indicator of whether the relationship is healthy or not. Treating your partner as an equal, respecting the boundaries they set, and treating them kindly are essential for the emotional environment of your relationship. Additionally, communication is essential for conflict resolution and having your needs met.
No matter how much a person loves you, they cannot read your mind and fully understand your motives. Only you can. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to make sure your thoughts and feelings are expressed. Every couple has disagreements, but healthy couples can express themselves respectfully without resorting to name-calling or blame-shifting. Without respect and communication, it may feel like you two are never on the same page. This can lead to resentment and personal attacks. Remember that the best way to combat misunderstandings is to be honest and neutral. When tension arises, acknowledge that you are both human and working towards a resolution together.
Another essential sign of a healthy relationship is a balance between commitment and individuality. Commitment refers to a sense of dedication to one another, where neither partner has one foot out the door — both are significantly invested in the relationship. Individuality, on the other hand, refers to the idea that even marriage is only one of many relationships each partner forms, and relationships are not equivalent to anyone’s identity or personal goals. It is important to maintain a sense of autonomy and keep sight of your own desires regardless of the relationship. When this balance is upset, attachment styles can shine through and avoidant or insecure behaviors may begin. When choosing a partner, it is important to ask questions about how each of you prefers to spend quality time and how committed each of you are willing to be. Attachment styles have a significant impact on this dynamic; knowing your partner's “love languages” is often essential in helping them feel fulfilled by you. With trust and communication, navigating these important details is quite beneficial for the health and passion of your relationship.
The most important aspects of all are these next two, according to mental health providers. Empathy and affection are the most crucial emotional components. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your partner's shoes. When conflicts arise, being able to see things from your partner's perspective is priceless and can help them feel understood. In contrast, lack of empathy may leave them feeling that their problems are not important or that the other party is not sympathetic to them — two things that understandably create more stress and distance.
Intimacy in the bedroom is a crucial part of a relationship. Emotional intimacy is just as important. How do you cultivate it? By being transparent about your feelings and allowing your partner to see you as you truly are. It’s essential to building a strong bond that’s based on the most core parts of you; the goal is to build chemistry and contribute to a warm bond where both parties feel seen and appreciated. Keeping your relationship strong is, in part, tied to the feeling of being “in love,” even though that feeling may lessen or change over time. If you do ensure you take time for your partner, learn their love language, and make a general effort to empathize and support them emotionally, these are all signs you are committed to your partner. If you feel you receive these qualities as well, it can indicate your relationship is healthy.
With the key elements of a healthy relationship in mind, it’s important to assess your partner's and your own contribution to a healthy and gratifying union. And if you're struggling, practicing gratitude about your partner is a good first step into a better headspace, according to studies. No relationship is ever perfect — and the reality is, not every relationship is meant to last forever. If you are experiencing unhealthy patterns, it might be time to move on. Even in love, it is important to put yourself, your health, and your safety first. Practice keeping grounded, knowing your worth, and remembering that a bad partner is worse than no partner at all. If you feel that you and your partner could still work it out, or you’re in a healthy relationship but still have issues, there is no shame in addressing the messier conflicts with a professional couples therapist.